For All You Trekkies Out There

Beba SchlottmannOther Writings Leave a Comment

My husband and I are as different as day and night.  Everything from our personalities,  thinking skills, likes and dislikes are completely different. Even so, we do  complement each other magnificently.

When Brian and I were dating, he was shy and quiet–I remember how this  would frustrate me.  I could have  long conversations with him where the only words he would utter would be yes,  no, and uhum.  I do admit it was  hard for him to get a word in as I do love to hear myself talk. This man  intrigued me with his quiet wisdom and amazing kindness. I knew there was much  more to him–I opened myself to hear his heart and allowed him to hear  mine.

We were the best of friends for almost two years before we even began  dating and somehow, all that time I knew I would eventually marry him.  He was quiet, serious, and intelligent  while I was the loud free-spirit who lived as though I had it all together  while deep inside my world was in total chaos.

God knew we needed each other…

I like to think of my husband as a type of Mr. Spock from the Star Trek  series and of myself as Mrs. Klingon.   If you are familiar with the Star Trek series, you know that Spock was  a Vulcan known for his the total control of his emotions.  Vulcans are cool because they are  strong and wise and have pointy ears.   The Klingons on the other hand are loose cannons.  They are impulsive, loud, devoted to  their creed and have big, wrinkly foreheads.  That is pretty much my husband and I  in a nutshell–minus the pointy ears and big wrinkly forehead.

The first few years of our marriage were interesting as we tried to  adjust to our differences.   Besides the already mentioned personality differences, let me add that  we both come from different cultures (he is Anglo and I am Hispanic) and that  alone added spiciness to what already seemed a challenging recipe.

We do not like to say  we  fight or argue, but rather that we have intense fellowship in our  marriage.  Many, many moments of  intense fellowship!  We have  learned from each other and we have grown as individuals and partners.  Sometimes I catch myself behaving more like a Vulcan–more in control of my  emotions. There are times I could swear I see the wrinkly thing on his  forehead. What has happened the universal thing that happens to dog owners all  over the world.  After so long,  the dogs begin to look like the owners.

We are such a unit. We look, think, talk, walk, and  even look alike. When I look into his eyes, I see some of the brown of my eyes  mixed with the blue of his—I’m just being poetic.  It’s the craziest thing!

How did this happen?    We learned to compromise.

It is not always easy being the one with the pointy ears because in  order to affirm each other, we need to be like an open book. We need to show  our emotions and talk about them and yes, if necessary have intense  fellowship.  The same goes for the  one with the wrinkly, big forehead. We have to make an effort to think  carefully about what we say and do.   We must remember we are not separate units any longer–we are one.  As one, we must be willing to live a  sacrificial life that elevates our partner and allows him to succeed,  regardless of our differences.

I am nothing like Christ, though I strive to be more like him  daily.  I am not naive enough to  think I am perfect, but I have a great example in him. His example is one I  can follow and project to others.   When I see what Christ has sacrificed for loving me, it makes me  willing to do anything and everything I can to be faithful to Him.  That is the kind of love Christ has  modeled for me to follow with my partner.  He intends that we have the same  intensity of love, faithfulness and passion for our partners that He has for  His church.

So what we are different!   Once you get passed the pointy ears and wrinkly forehead, I believe you  will find your galaxy is not so big that you could lose each other.

There is a quote I have always liked from one of my favorite movies, the Painted Veil (2006):

“Sometimes the  greatest journey is the distance between two people”

This is so true but it does not have to be this way.  We can bridge the gap and meet in the  middle of the road.  We can find  each other again and instead of drawing further apart, we can learn to coexist  and love sacrificially.

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